position change 2

Scenes from the Life of an escort

11.07.2016

When I enter this room, nothing will ever be the same. I can still change my mind, but I already know that my curiosity will win over my fear. My curiosity and the lust for forbidden desire. The lust to explore my dark side. The lust for lust.

My name is Sade. Is that my real name? Of course not. This morning, I still had another one. I changed my name when I left my old self behind like a dress that does not fit anymore. Let me get this straight: My old self was actually fine. Modern languages student, in my mid-twenties, slender, good-looking, athletic, shoulder-length black hair. I went to the gym twice a week and partied every weekend with my friends. It was really fine. But at the same time somewhat boring.

I only realised that I was longing for something more when I met Antonia. She was a friend of a friend of mine and soon became some kind of a mentor for me. Antonia showed me things out there I would not have dared to dream. She moulded me into Sade. Now I am standing here in the hotel hallway, checking my handbag for the third time. I am nervous. As excited as a teenager on the first date.

When I enter this room, I will have sex with a man I have never met before. He will pay me for it. I will accept the money as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Anyway, this is exactly what it is: the most normal thing in the world. Every day there are thousands of men who pay for having sex with a woman like me. A high class escort girl. They can afford it. And I want them to do it. I want them to do it with me.

At the first moment, I was shocked when Antonia told me that she managed an escort agency in Hamburg. But soon, I burst with curiosity and wanted to know everything. How it works, if it is fun and if you really make so much money. Antonia’s reply catched me on the hop: "Why don’t you find out for yourself" she said. First, I felt offended. Then flattered.

It took a good while until I was ready. Many conversations, many glasses of wine. However, the more Antonia told me about her agency, the more I was sure that this was meant to be a twist of fate. I had to choose between daily routine and adventure. And I chose adventure.

I am convinced that every human being has a multifaceted personality. However, most people tend to repress these secret corners of their being. Not me. I want to explore all aspects of my personality, the light as well as the shadow. I want to feel life with all its energy. Lust, passion, ecstasy, joy, grief, rage, fear, panic, surprise, disgust, loathing, dazedness, anger… everything. This is why I am here. I know for sure that this will be the beginning of something important. I do not know what will happen. The only thing I know is that I long for this new experience.

When I enter this room, there is no going back. Never ever again. I am well aware of it. But this is what I wanted. I still feel terribly nervous. Anyway, this will not change as long as I stay here in the hallway. Go for it. Behind this door, there is somebody longing for Sade. I do not want him to wait any longer.